Tuesdays with Jack

From week to week Mommy is never sure what to expect. In fact, on any given day, I’m fairly certain things will barely follow any sort of preconceived notion of a plan. That’s just life with a toddler. We may have events or chores or activities we would like to enjoy or accomplish, but for the most part, we tend to go where life takes us. Well, this week gave a whole new meaning to the concept of “going with the flow”.

We have been a very fortunate family in many regards, but most certainly when it comes to our overall health. If it weren’t a matter of tempting fate, Mommy might consider putting up a sign that says, “385 days since last illness”. That number might be an exaggeration, but not by much. Other than Mommy’s pregnancy related morning sickness and the occasional ear infection the last significant illness was May of last year when Little Man had a nasty fever for a few days. However, we’ve never been sick as a family before. We’ve kind of taken it for granted that there is usually a functioning adult when illness befalls our household. All of that changed this past Thursday.

Before going to bed Thursday night, Mommy and Daddy checked in on our sleeping little boy, which is our nightly routine. Unfortunately, on this particular night we discovered our sleeping angel to be sleeping in a crib full of vomit. Our little guy had the stomach flu for the first time. Considering how scary being sick is even for an adult, we could only imagine how scary something like this was for Jack. So, Mommy and Daddy worked as a team to get him all cleaned up, his bedding changed, and to help him settle. He was still heaving a little bit, so we thought it might be a good idea to have him sit up with us in our room for a little while. After a couple of attempts at putting him back to bed only to have him throw up in his bed again, we decided he needed a little more time awake. This turned out to be a decent enough idea, especially since Daddy had to run out to pick up some Pedialyte for Little Man. So, while Daddy was out running errands at the awesome hour of two in the morning, Mommy and Jack watched one of his favorite shows, Fireman Sam. By three in the morning, Little Man was asleep and seemingly content in his bed.

The next morning, Jack appeared to back to his normal self. However, he was super duper thirsty since we had restricted his intake over night to give his tummy a break. Unfortunately, we did a little too much too soon and spent the first part of the morning heaving up what he drank. The poor little guy had no idea what was going on. The majority of it came up on Mommy while the rest was spread around the house as he wandered around unsure about what was happening. I did my best to keep him calm and assure him that everything was going to be ok. After a change of clothes and some cuddles, he seemed to be doing much better. We stuck with the steady schedule of a couple milliliters of fluid every few minutes for the first few hours until Mommy was sure his tummy seemed up to more.

Over the course of the day, while Jack was either recuperating on the couch or following me around trying to be helpful, I was buzzing around the house doing my best to scrub and disinfect every surface in the house. Mommy was hopeful that we were past the worst of it and I was determined to kill any flu virus that dare live in our home. From floors to walls to any conceivable surface Jack could touch including all of his toys, Mommy was a cleaning machine with bleach and Lysol. I figured, worst case scenario, I was already infected, but perhaps Daddy could be spared a flu filled fate. By the end of the day, the house was clean from top to bottom, including all of the dogs, and all of the laundry was done. Mommy was hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst.

Mommy and Daddy were completely impressed with how well Little Man was handling being sick. Not only did he seem to resume most of his normal activities, but other than needing a little extra sleep, he seemed perfectly ok. He was even helping pick up his toys to put in the sink for a sanitizing bath. We were actually thinking Little Man might get out of this without a fever. Unfortunately, by the time Saturday morning rolled around Jack had spiked a fever. Fortunately it wasn’t anything that couldn’t be squashed by a dose of ibuprofen. The onset of the fever, while it didn’t bring additional heaving, it did indicate we were facing down the flu. With this knowledge in hand, Mommy and Daddy did what we could to enjoy the little moments we could and to prepare for what might be coming. This included Daddy making a shopping trip on Saturday to pick up some Play Doh for Little Man and some Powerade to make sure he stay hydrated. We had a nice afternoon playing with Play Doh and enjoying what would turn out to be the eye of the storm.

By Saturday afternoon, Mommy was not feeling well at all and by Saturday evening I was completely out of commission. I headed downstairs where I could do my heaving in peace, as it’s rather uncomfortable kneeling over the business end of toilet with a toddler peering at you with endless curiosity and the desire to mimic. While I was downstairs praying for the worst to be over, Daddy was keeping Jack occupied by putting up some cute autumn decorations he had picked up while he was out. Eventually we put Jack down for the night, but as it would turn out, that wouldn’t be the end of our night.

Due to how incredibly sick Mommy was combine with how incredibly pregnant I am, I started to have intermittent contractions due to my level of dehydration and uncontrollable heaving. So, we called in Auntie Shay to keep a watchful ear out for Jack while he slept and we headed to the hospital. A few hours, some anti-nausea medicine, and two liters of IV fluids, we were ready to head back home and collapse into bed. The upside to spending a few hours in the hospital though, was that Mommy and Daddy got to listen to Lil Miss as she tumbled around in my tummy along with her healthy heart beat.

Between the lack of sleep, the physical exhaustion, and the onset of fever, Mommy isn’t aware of much that happened Sunday morning, but after some Tylenol and sleep, I was ready to head upstairs and check on my boys.

Well, apparently, Jack’s tummy wasn’t quite ready for the onslaught of fluids he had that morning because shortly after I arrived upstairs, we had an encore performance of Friday morning’s pyrotechnics. So, after a cleanup session and a phone conversation with the on call nurse at Jack’s pediatrician’s office, we were back to slowly pushing the fluids a few milliliters at a time for the next few hours. Mommy, although not at full capacity, was well enough to be Mommy and nurse to Jack while Daddy ran out to take care of our Sunday shopping to make sure we had the necessary provisions to handle a full house of sick people. He could already feel his body being invaded by this awful virus. By Sunday night, Daddy was in the full throws of illness. Needless to say, it was miserable.

We certainly all did our best to keep it together and to take care of each other, but this was an experience none of us were totally prepared for. Mommy was just thankful we had such caring friends and family who kept checking in on us and that Mommy and Daddy had the forethought to get so much done before we completely gave way to illness. As of today, Jack is back to running at full throttle and Daddy is certainly at 90%. Mommy is taking a little bit longer to get back to normal, but at least we’re all amongst the living. Mommy and Daddy were talking last night about how awful the whole experience was, but at least we live in a time where we don’t have to worry about death as a result of such an event. We’re a strong family with a lot to be thankful for, and now that we’re on the other side of this stomach storm, Mommy can say we’re an even stronger family for it. However, if we never have to live through another heaverific event, all at the same time, it will be too soon. . .

This week, Daddy had to take a business trip. So, it was just Mommy and Jack for two whole days! Fortunately, Little Man was in a relatively good mood. In fact, he was a pretty good sport since Mommy had to drop him off with Nana and Grandad for three days. However, Little Man didn’t seem to eager to leave Nana’s on Thursday when I arrived to take him home following my morning class.

Jack had been having so much fun that my arrival seemed to hardly register on his radar. Of course, once I saw what fun he was having with the magical substance known as playdough, I completely understood. As a child playdough had always been one of my favorite things to play with. Little Man just sat there pressing different colored playdough into a caterpillar mold. Occasionally he would use the little plastic scissors to cut up his creation.

The only thing event that could break Jack’s concentration was when he heard an airplane flying overhead. . .the look of wonder and awe is absolutely priceless.

Even though Mommy and Little Man had a great time together while Daddy was gone, we both missed Daddy bunches. Mommy didn’t realize how much Jack had missed Daddy until it was time to go get him at the airport. I asked Jack if he was ready to go get Daddy and he immediately grabbed his things and rushed to the door. Well, Jack didn’t quite understand that Daddy hadn’t been at his office this whole time, so when Mommy drove passed Daddy’s office to get to the airport, Jack became irate. He started yelling at me and tried to get me to turn around.

No amount of reassuring was going to convince Jack that we were actually going to pick up Daddy. It was only when Little Man saw Daddy and gave him a big smile and kiss that he calmed down and was happy. The odd thing happened however, on our trip back. We took one of Daddy’s friends, who was on the trip with him, back to the office and he sat in the back seat with Jack. Jack was a totally shy little guy who would utter the occasional syllable. Then, when Daddy’s friend, Paul, got out of the car at Daddy’s office, Little Man lost it once again. The only thing that could calm him was Daddy getting into the back seat with Jack and reassuring him that Daddy was there and everything was ok. The only thing we could think of was that Paul looked enough like Daddy, that Jack was a little confused and thought his Daddy was leaving again. It was cute and sad at the same time, but once we arrived home, there was no confusion. Jack was happy Daddy was home and was not about to leave his side.

Over the weekend, after rising from his afternoon nap, Jack was a little upset. In fact, he was almost in complete meltdown mode from being awake. So, Mommy thought this would be the perfect time to attempt to engage Jack in a new activity that might help get his mind off of being Mr. Grumpy. So, Mommy did what any good and creative mommy would do, I pulled out a box of brownies and had Jack help me make them. Not only did he pour everything and mix everything, but he also helped me crack the eggs!

He was so excited to help Mommy make goodies in the kitchen. I told him all about the fun we’ll have making cookies and pies this holiday season, since he’s such a good little helper in the kitchen. Every once in a while, Jack would stop what he was doing and lean in to smell the chocolate yumminess, and exclaim, “Mmmmmmm!”. The only sticking point for the activity was when it came time to pop the brownies in the oven. Patience is not one of Jack’s virtues and he has a hard time wrapping his head around the concept of the oven. As far as he can gather, Mommy presses some buttons and goodies come out of the magic box. This confusion has been the genesis of many a meltdown due to cinnamon rolls not magically appearing when anticipated. However, with a little activity redirection, we were able to stave off the tears.

An hour later, after the brownies had been cooked and were cooled, we enjoyed a sample of our wares. The resulting smiles would have been ear to ear if his mouth hadn’t been so full of chocolate. Oh yes, this holiday season will be full of good times!

Quick Jack Facts

• One of the fun things that Mommy and Jack do together, especially when we’re driving around town is singing the song “The Wheels on the Bus”. In fact, whenever we see a bus, it’s pretty much expected, even if we only see a picture of a bus in one of Jack’s books. However, the best part about singing the song is when Mommy and Jack are able to do the corresponding hand gestures. We even put on a little show for Daddy the other night before bed. He was quite impressed!

• One of the best things about Little Man growing up is seeing how his interests mature. It’s no secret that Mommy and Daddy love books and that we feel it’s really important to share that love of reading with Little Man. However, given his age, much of our efforts have been based on the belief that with enough exposure and positive association with books, this enjoyment will eventually develop. This weekend, Little Man’s enjoyment of reading really seemed to blossom. I was working on a project for my Children’s Literature class, which meant I had a towering stack of children’s books. Little Man was so excited when Mommy offered to read them to him. So, together, we sat in our big living room chair as I read every single book to Little Man while he was nuzzled on my lap. Some, we even read twice.

   

• Jack’s sense of humor is certainly one that seems to be age and boy appropriate. Since we’ve begin potty training, his interests and humor about bodily functions are in full swing. Not only does Jack think it’s hilarious to pass gas, but he also likes to pretend to do it. Then, the other day, he took it one step further. He stood behind Mommy, made a raspberry sound with his mouth, pointed at Mommy’s booty, and laughed. It seems he was trying to imply that the sound we all heard was Mommy passing gas. Such a little goofball. . . Then when Daddy was in the bathroom, Jack was adamant that he should be allowed in as well. He kept signaling that he needed to use the potty too by pointing at the front of his diaper. Mommy wasn’t buying this tactic because Jack had just gone to the potty. Then, to further his argument, he squatted, turned his booty towards me and began to point to it just as adamantly. . .Oh little boys.

   

• Since helping Mommy give the puppies a bath last week, Jack has been quite insistent that the puppies remain indoors with him. So, for the past week, Jack has refused to go anywhere in the house without his little furry entourage.

This has been a milestone week. When it comes to speaking, it seems that Jack has turned a total corner. Rather than Mommy and Daddy striving to motivate Jack to simply make sounds other than “aaaa”, all of a sudden it seems we’re working on words – not word, but words! This week, without prompting Jack has been saying “no” and for some reason, “nein”, which is German for “no”. Little Man has suddenly decided to not only start speaking, but to be bilingual as he does it. Go figure!

In addition to asserting his dislike of things by saying “no”, he has been saying “ssss” for yes and adamantly screaming “car”, with more emphasis on the “ca” than the “r”. It’s been truly amazing. The best moment was on Sunday. After a day spent with Daddy needing to come and go all day to get all of our grocery shopping accomplished with Aunt Shayla, Jack exclaimed while grasping onto Daddy, “No no no dada! No no no dada!” because he didn’t want Daddy to leave again. It was so awesome it made me want to cry and cheer at the same time. I think Daddy was truly flabbergasted and touched.

Jack is even trying out new words. He’s willing to try any word that is associated with something he wants, like “cake” or “water”. We’ve been working on making Jack give us at least a sound close to what he’s asking for and rather than throwing his traditional tantrum, he’s been giving it a go. The look of pride and accomplishment on his face is simply breathtaking and the progress seems almost staggering despite how long we’ve waited. Little Man is still a ways off from being caught up with his peers, but Mommy and Daddy have always maintained the position, that as long as there is forward progress, we’re happy. And boy are we happy!

Jack’s desire to start talking seems to coincide with his adamant desire to be as autonomous as possible. He’s always been a very independent little boy, but lately he seems set on doing everything himself. However, considering his short stature, thirty-seven and three quarter inches, much of his autonomy requires the use of tall kitchen chairs. Thankfully the chairs make considerable noise as they’re being ushered across the floor by our little toddler, which gives Mommy plenty heads up when Little Man is pursuing autonomous mischief, namely as he seeks out sweets. However, there have been plenty of times when I’ve found him in front of the kitchen sink “washing” dishes or even his hands. Once I discovered him pouring soap on his head in an effort to wash his hair in the sink. Oh the things that must run through his mind. . .

As Little Man strives to be more independent, Mommy attempts to show Jack new skills and expose him to different activities that he can participate in with Mommy and Daddy. One such activity was giving the dogs a bath. Yesterday Mommy was determined to scrub the bathroom within an inch of its life because, after all, I’m nesting. However, before I embarked on my scrubbing, I decided it would be a good idea to bathe the dogs and rather than waiting for Jack’s nap time, I thought it would be fun to have Jack help. So, first we washed the little dogs, Pippi and Yogi. Jack thought this was simply divine. His two furry pals, trapped in a large tub, getting doused with soap and water. We took turns soaping up the pups and rinsing them off. He even waved “bye-bye” to the dirty water and dog hair as it traveled down the drains. Jack’s interest in the activity and being in the bathroom waned considerably once the dogs were out of the tub and shaking their lose hair all over the floor. Apparently, Jack isn’t a fan of dog hair, at least when his bare feet are forced to touch it. His distress diminished considerably when I gave him a towel to stand on that was free of fur. By the time it was our Golden Retriever’s turn, he was happy to aid in the soaping and washing, but had learned that he preferred to leave the room before the fur really started to fly. Needless to say, he was more than pleased to return to the scene of the furry fiasco when it came time to clean the bathroom. He is such a helpful little guy when he wants to be.

In addition to new experiences, new desires, and new talents, Little Man has developled a love of the song The Wheels on the Bus. Often as we’re driving around town together, Mommy will sing a fun song. One of the many songs Mommy knows is The Wheels on the Bus and since there are numerous buses around town, I have multiple opportunities to sing this particular song. Now, Jack is more than happy to join in. He spends most of the song swaying back and forth, but when we come up on the verse about the mommies on the bus saying “shh shhh shh” he certainly knows how to chime in on that one. Due in part to his participation, we sing that verse a lot.

Yes, this has been the week of words. Oddly enough, as is usually the case with Little Man, Mommy is at a loss of adequate words to describe the awesomeness of this week and what all of this progress means. Mommy and Daddy are just happy that we get to hear our little guy express himself in ways that don’t involve frustration or tears. And, honestly, it’s a relief to see such progress and to see how motivated Jack is to express himself like the rest of the world. It’s week’s like this that makes it easier to believe that things really will be alright, perhaps even in German.

Quick Jack Facts

• Aunt Shayla and Daddy like to go grocery shopping together every other week. These are usually the weeks that we can do our extreme couponing. Following the shopping, there is typically some time spent together as a family. This week, we spent an awesome evening outside while the wind blew, offering some much needed relief from the heat. What was interesting about this particular outdoor play session was Jack’s unusual response to the wind blowing through the trees. Jack has never been bothered by the wind before, but for some reason, he wasn’t a fan this particular evening. However, his distaste for the wind soon subsided when Aunt Shayla joined him for a little one on one playtime. Jack took the opportunity to show her how much he enjoys throwing grass. . .

   

  

   

   

Mommy and Jack had some special moments this week. My favorite ones involved hot air balloons. Thanks to some wonderful weather, temperatures in the mornings were in the fifties with highs in the seventies. It was a nice break from the ninety plus degree weather that had kept us pretty much out of the sun. This wonderful morning weather was perfect for the launching of hot air balloons and due to our home’s close proximity to their preferred launching park, Jack and Mommy had an excellent view of several balloons over the course of a few days. Jack got so excited watching the brightly colored aircrafts float above our heads. . .

This semester Mommy is taking a course on Children’s Literature. As a result, there are a lot more children’s books around the house than we usually have thanks to my multiple trips to the campus library. One such book is called Bye Bye Crib.

Mommy thought this would be an excellent book to read with Jack as we move closer to attempting to transition him to his toddler bed. The book has be a huge hit! There’s a little boy who refers to himself as a “muscle boy” because he’s a big boy and his best friend is Baby Kitty. Who can resist a best friend named Baby Kitty? The entire premise of the book is to show how a the muscle boy works through his fears of his big boy “monster bed” with his pal Baby Kitty. There are countdowns followed by “whees” and moments when the muscle boy and Baby Kitty flex their muscles. Of course these are Little Man’s favorite parts. When asked to show off his muscles, he growls and flexes like a little muscle boy. The idea is that Jack will start to see himself as a muscle boy who is ready to say “bye-bye” to his crib. We think in a few weeks he’ll be ready for the transition. In the mean time, we’re enjoying all of the fun interaction that comes with reading this book at least twice a day.

In addition to flexing his muscles while we’re reading, Jack has taken to showing off his muscles whenever the mood strikes. The other evening while Daddy was visiting his grandpa, Mommy and Jack were watching football highlights because Mommy loves football. So, while we were watching various teams mash-up against each other in a struggle for points with the beloved pig-skin, Jack suddenly began to dance around the room, growling, and flexing his muscles at the television and at me. Between his desire to be a muscle boy, his sturdy build, and serious throwing abilities, only one question remains, will Little Man choose offense or defense?

All of the growling and flexing doesn’t seem to be naught either. All of the physical activity mixed with books has resulted in a nice hybrid. Rather than Jack spinning and slamming around his room in an out of control attempt at sensory stimulation or sitting quietly to read followed by an insane amount of time banging his head on his crib like a Metallica roadie, Jack will indulge in a little bit of physical activity while taking breaks to sit and read with Mommy and Daddy. Sometimes Jack will bounce around the room in a playful manner while growling. Other times Jack will run around in a circle around Mommy like he’s playing a smaller version of “duck duck goose”. Regardless, the activity is never a violent tantrum, we’re able to have a little quiet snuggle time while we read, and Jack’s crib banging has diminished considerably. All in all, Mommy and Daddy are pretty happy with the progress he’s making. We’re also happy to have story time with our little guy once again.

Other indications that Jack is growing up have included his new found interest in potty training. Little Man has traded his days of playing with poo, thank God they were short lived days, for communicating his need to use the bathroom and then actually using his potty! Mommy and Daddy have been so proud! We’ve even been able to transition to using pull up diapers during the day. They have little fire trucks and police planes on them. Of course they’re a big hit. We have experienced some days where Jack has gone all day totally dry! It’s amazing how one day things will seem like Wild Kingdom and then suddenly it seems something has clicked with Little Man and we’re on the path of growth and refinement.

In addition to showing off his muscles and big boy proclivities, Little Man has been showing off his social butterfly side. Over Labor Day weekend we went to his Great Grandpa’s for a BBQ. While we were there, one of Daddy’s cousins, Jennifer, was there with her two little boys, Davin and Seth. Davin is a little older than Jack and Seth is a little younger. However, Little Man was quick and happy to make friends. Despite their ages, Jack was much bigger than both of them, which worried Mommy a little bit because Little Man has a tendency to get overly excited and then overly physical. This is a hard lesson our dogs have come to learn. However, Jack was more interested in playing with the boys than bouncing them around, which was awesome. He had babbling conversations and explored the apartment. At one point he found Great Grandpa’s hat and began parading around with it on. The afternoon was certainly a cute one.

As our week filled up with Mommy’s classes and family errands there were bright spots amidst the craziness of life. We had moments that were worthy of being called simple splendor and demanded to be relished. It’s all too easy, as anyone knows, to get wrapped up in the mundane tasks of everyday living and to forget to look past the “to do” list. Life can sometimes feel like we just need to rush through this task or that event so we can get to the “good stuff”, but since it all ends the same way for all of us, it’s important to remember, that like most cookies, the best part is the middle. And if you rush through each bite, waiting for the “good stuff”, you’ll have finished your cookie before you realize there is nothing left to savor. This week, the good stuff involved tea and wooly mammoths and neither Mommy nor Daddy missed a moment.

One of the first toys Jack received before he was born was fabric tea set, complete with a tea pot, cups, saucers, napkins, tea bags, lemon slices, milk, honey, and muffins. The was initially a gift for Cousin Carson, but Aunt Ali thought such a toy was far too feminine for a little boy. Mommy and Daddy’s position was, a toy is a toy, and there’s nothing wrong with throwing tea party, no matter what gender you are. This week, our forward thinking ways paid off in the sweetest of ways. Jack threw Mommy and Daddy a spontaneous tea party. We were all sitting in the living room together when Little Man trotted out his set.

With Mommy sitting on the couch and Daddy sitting in his recliner, Jack took turns giving Mommy and Daddy tea from his tea set. Daddy attempted to put a tea bag in his cup along with a lemon wedge, but our host took grave offense to this, as apparently he prepared our tea perfectly and thus shouldn’t be augmented. It was so much fun sitting around the living room and pretending to sip fine tea with our amenable host.

Later in the afternoon, when Jack had had enough tea, he was quite insistent that we watch a show with CGI animals, such as sabre tooth cats and wooly mammoths. He is certainly his Daddy’s little boy. He enjoyed seeing the various creatures romping around and at time he would get up from Daddy’s lap or from cuddling with Mommy and pretend to roam around while growling like a sabre tooth cat. At one point he even pulled out his wooly mammoth figure and began having it make noises. Yes, who’s to say that a little boy can’t enjoy romping around like a little mammoth and serving up tea because our little guy certainly enjoys exploring the world in all sorts of different ways.

Sometimes Jack’s interests converge into the perfect storm of interesting providing Mommy with a perfect picture moment. This weekend, Jack’s indulgence in sweets mixed with his messing eating style, then combined with his desire to wash his hands and face, compounded by his love of water and thrown in with an accidently left open bathroom door, resulted in Mommy finding Jack in a quite the interesting situation. Jack was in the bathroom, standing on the toilet, the sink full of water and soap suds, the outside of the sink covered in a thick layer of liquid hand soap, and Jack’s hands and face covered in a combination of soap bubbles, cookie crumbs, and liquid soap gel. Oh, and matchbox cars in hand ready for a good washing. It was quite the sight to behold. So, Mommy did what any good Mommy would do. We finished washing the cars and Little Man’s face, mopped up the suds, and went on about our day. I certainly couldn’t get upset at his efforts to explore and be clean at the same time.

There is rarely a dull moment with Jack in tow. Just the other night, while he was visiting his little sister’s room, Jack pulled out one of his old outfits from when he was tiny, and held it up. I told him that when he was a baby, that’s what he wore. He was completely fascinated. He held the shoulders of the outfit up to his shoulders and looked down to see how big he was compared to how small his “Daddy’s Team” footy pjs were. He giggled with delight and began running around the room in a circle. Oh the things he must be thinking. Mommy can hardly wait to hear what goes on in the little head of his.

Our week is always full of little gems such as these that make us stop and smile. They’re the sort of moments that albeit for this blog and all of the wonderful technology we enjoy, would be lost to time. I can’t help, but wonder about the parents over the ages who have, upon seeing their child in a particular moment, delighted at the miracle before them. There are so many moments as a parent that cause you to stop and think, “I want to remember this forever” and you only hope that the moment can be etched in your heart to be recalled later, forever. Mommy and Daddy are extremely fortunate because with the help of a digital camera, we can at least record those moments. This is one of my favorite moments that is often repeated, the look of total joy when Jack sees Mommy after I’ve been gone for a little while. Yes, this is the good stuff and I plan on enjoying every morsel.

When you become a parent you never know for sure what sort of child you’re having or what sort of parent you will be. You have hopes and dreams for both, but as with anything in life there is no certainty. When Mommy and Daddy embarked on our journey together, we didn’t even know if we were suited to be parents. Part of that was because we enjoyed our relationship so much that we couldn’t fathom sharing the other with another little being and, in retrospect, part of our indecision was based in fear. Neither of us were sure if we had the right stuff to be the type of parents we felt a child deserves. We didn’t want to bring a little person into existence if weren’t capable of being everything humanly possible that child would need.

Then, after a few years of indulging in our own carefree lifestyle, Mommy and Daddy began discussing what having a child would mean and if it was a change we were ready for. After many wonderful evenings contemplating the various scenarios with one another, many of which took place over the summer of 2007 in our backyard gazebo, Mommy and Daddy decided that yes, we wanted to be parents. So, we jumped into the roles of trying to conceive parents headlong, complete with books and appropriate dietary choices, to ensure our child would have the best chance he or she possibly could have.

Once our little darling Jack arrived on the scene, Mommy and Daddy, having read every applicable book and purchased every necessary baby accessory felt completely prepared, at least until the euphoria was replaced with the reality of just what being a parent truly means. We were ready for whatever Little Man could throw at us, but saying we were prepared is laughable. The one truth every new parent learns is there is no such thing as being prepared. You can be resolved to do your best and stand resolute in your desire to survive, but nothing can or will ever prepared for the shocking and heart blasting experience that is being a parent. There aren’t enough words in all of the languages in the world to describe what it means to be a parent, so full of love and frustration you feel your heart and soul could just burst at the seams. You love your child with a fervor that you didn’t think was possible, at least not without the complete annihilation of self. But, even if this love does cost you who you are, and in some respects it does, you’re ok with that. That’s just how much we love Jack.

One of the caveats of being a parent is that you think your child is perfect. Sure, everyone says that and we all nod our heads and smile politely, but there is something, at least for Mommy and Daddy, that keeps this idea of perfection as an ingrained truth. Little Man could have a million different people telling us there was something wrong with him by various standards, but because he is our Jack, regardless of what people say, we love him and think he is divine exactly as he is, in all of his frustrating glory.

So, when Mommy and Daddy realized that Jack wasn’t progressing in the area of speech like the rest of his peers, sure we were concerned, but he’s ours and we (mainly Mommy), just rationalized that he would eventually catch up. However, over time, progress has been slow and because we want to be the best parents we can be, to ensure our child has the best opportunities available, we have pushed for answers. Jack deserves nothing less than our best. For over a year that has been a large part of our parenting journey. Discovering if there is something we should be worried about, how to help our little guy with his challenges, and determining what all of this means. From evaluations to interviews, therapy sessions and endless waiting rooms Mommy and Daddy have walked away with some hope, some progress, but above all else, the resolute desire to do what is best for our son.

All of this culminated in two pivotal doctor’s appointments this week. The first was with a pediatrician who has a background in developmental pediatrics. Our goal was to not only find a new pediatrician for Jack and his impending sibling, but to also have Jack evaluated by someone familiar with children with developmental challenges. The second appointment was with the premiere, Dr. Big Wig himself, of developmental pediatrics. We didn’t have an appointment with him until November, but thanks to a miraculous cancellation, we were able to have Jack seen months ahead of schedule.

Due to the nature of these evaluations, Mommy and Daddy kept the results of these appointments fairly close until we were able to process them ourselves. To be perfectly honest, we were completely prepared to hear something along the lines of autism. Granted many parents fear a diagnosis of having their child on the spectrum, but Mommy and Daddy knew that regardless of what any doctor said, Jack is still our Jack and there is nothing that could be written on a diagnostic sheet that would change that. Yes he has his challenges, but to us, he is perfect, regardless of labels. The one thing we didn’t want was for other people to see a label instead of our little boy. He is our child, he is a person, and he deserves to be seen for all of his amazing qualities he possesses, like his incredibly generous heart, his tremendous sense of humor, and his adventurous nature.

But, like Mommy said earlier, to use the word ‘prepared’ as a parent, regardless of the situation is laughable. Dr. Big Wig informed us that Jack is an extremely intelligent, social, and engaging little boy who just happens to be taking his sweet time learning how to speak. While he has only seen six or seven similar cases in his twenty-five plus years in practice, it does happen and he truly believes that’s what’s going on with Jack. Bear in mind that Jack is well past his nap time and tearing up the exam room with his toys as we hear the doctor say this.

Mommy inquires about autism, Aspergers, and sensory disorders and both Daddy and I struggle to process what Dr. Big Wig is saying over our screeching toddler who is hell bent on taking his own blood pressure. Dr. Big Wig tells us that the head banging is a normal self soothing technique used by many toddlers and it’s really no different than thumb sucking. We really shouldn’t worry about brain damage or skull fractures because Jack lacks the ability to inflict that level of damage on himself. What we’re facing and have been concerned with is a perfect toddler storm. Little Man is reaching the peak of his terrible two tantrums, which is converging with his language frustrations and personal brand of heavy metal self soothing. We are reassured that he will survive this, will begin speak, and that all will be well. We’re told to continue our pursuit of both speech and occupational therapies, but as parents we’re doing everything right to help our child. Basically, this too shall pass. While this is what we had hoped to hear it wasn’t at all what we were prepared to hear and the reality of this information has yet to sink in.

It’s not easy to be prepared for the worst, so there is a sense of fear involved when it comes to relinquishing any hold on parental preparedness. Mommy is still working on figuring out how to let go of the fear without feeling as though I’m letting go of my primal mommy desire to ensure the best is achieved for my cub. This is the sort of balancing act no one can prepare you for. Being a parent is a rollercoaster ride, in the dark, with only the hands of your loved ones to guide you. It’s scary, it’s thrilling, and it’s everything a rollercoaster ought to be. And once you relinquish your need to be prepared, to anticipate every turn, you can just sit back and trust in the immense love in your heart. After all, no one is perfect, well, except for Jack.